Sunday, April 22, 2012

9 months today...Is there really a baby in there?

So today I'm officially 9 months pregnant.  In waddly woman speak that means I can see the finish line.  With the end in sight I'm so - I don't even know the word - baffled I guess.  Let's review my last 5.5 years......

December 9, 2006 married my best friend (awww I know - too gushy - but for real he's legit my BFF (we've got the necklaces and everything hahaha - joke)
At our rehersal dinner

October 2007 - found out we were expecting Skater.  Every last second of that pregnancy I swear I watched as if you were watching the clock ticking off the seconds.  It CRAWLED by.  I busied myself worrying about everything, reading everything, becoming a "expert" who had never had a baby on everything, and organizing and rearranging her nursery.  I had never been to the "womans" clinic places but a couple times before I got pregnant with SK.  No clue on what to do about a baby doctor we decided to start our journey with a well respected doctor who had been a kind Christian adult role model in Matts life.  Matt had even lived in his families guest house in college.  Problemo here was that he had moved to Nashville.  I love to shop and since Nashville was only 2 hours away and you don't go that much in the beginning we chose him.  It worked great for a while because every month was like a nice little get a way for Matt and I to eat somewhere cool, go to Target etc.  Around the time 30 weeks rolled around (and I started having a few pregnant friends deliver etc.) I began to realize that when I had our baby I wanted to be surrounded with family and friends so we switched (after much asking around) to the most amazing doctor on the planet Dr. Owens (literally I can't say enough about this guy and if you don't wanna know please don't ask me because I tend to gush about does Matt actually we love him that much!)

Around the time I switched with SK my blood pressure was a little high.  I was a new patient so for a while they monitored it.  Almost immediately they started talking "take it easy" etc.  With SK I was ENORMOUS but what I didn't realize being a 1st time mom is that I was swelling like crazy.  Normal right????  ummm no not in this case.  I was put on blood pressure meds to lower it and eventually around 35 weeks sent to bed rest.  The bed rest was a way for a new mom (i.e. no kids to chase in the house to occupy my days) to sit and watch baby shows and search the internet tirelessly.  I had to go to the doctor 2x a week to monitor my BP and at any given time they would take her if it got out of control.  I remember very close to the end crying when we would leave and have to come back a few more days later.  I was happy my BP was okay but so done.  I was huge, miserable, sick and ready to meet my baby.  When the day finally came it was overwhelming to say the least and I had no idea what to expect.

Night before I delivered SK

Our new addition
Fast forward to March of 2010 - I was 9 months pregnant with Will.  I'd had basically an uneventful pregnancy and the blood pressure issues that had plagued me with SK weren't there with him thank goodness.  What was there were constant contractions.  When you get online and google and read babycenter etc. they say if you're having more than 4 contractions in an hour call the doc.  I was having like 10- a zillion.  With SK I had never had braxton hicks really that I noticed so I wasn't sure what the deal was.  I had a scheduled induction (by choice for school spring break scheduling - very modern of us) for April 2.  In the weeks leading up to April 2 I was in Labor and Delivery for monitoring 5 or 6 miserable times.  One time we went I got a shot to calm the uterus down.  I felt like an idiot each time they said I could go home - still pregnant.  It wasn't that I wasn't having contractions...I was they were showing on the monitor - they just weren't changing my cervix.  I got to the point at the end that I was scared to go anywhere myself (because I had a not even 2 year old) because they had told me at any point my false labor could turn to real labor that could start things.  My mom was with me everywhere. I sat up the night before the induction - my last night with SK all by herself - and cried and cried as I rocked her to sleep.  I was convinced that us deciding we wanted another so close was going to ruin her life and what was I thinking and she wasn't going to be the baby anymore....and so on.  When it was time to go to the hospital to be induced I was cool calm and collected.  I felt that I had traveled this road before, knew what to expect and it went great.  Labor was much easier with Will (my cervix was way more favorable with him than when I had SK) and I knew what I wanted and needed and it all went very smoothly.
Night before I had Wilty

Baby makes 4
Now fast forward to now April 2012 - I'm 9 months pregnant with Hadley.  I'm not scared that I'm ruining my others lives anymore like I was before...I have seen the beautiful friendship of SK and Will and how he was such a gift in her life and playmate that I can't imagine her living without.  I know they'll make amazing big sister/big brother.  SK was amazing when I had Will and she is amazing with our new niece Gentry.  So loving and careful and helpful.  Will as well loves our niece, is obsessed with babies and isn't the least bit jealous - he just wants to be involved and hold and help too.  They both beg me to get Hadley out of my belly so they can hold her.  I'm not really nervous about labor - it's not a been there done that as much as I feel confident about the process. I know that anything can happen and it's not always predictable or like planned but I also feel more educated than ever before about a zillion different options and what things mean etc.  I don't sit around and wonder about if I've forgotten to buy something at Babies R Us and that if I don't have it now I'll be lost forever.  With SK it's like I didn't realize if I've forgotten or end up needing something that I can easily go or have someone get it for me.  I'm not even as scared about handling 3.  Some of you with 3 are probably laughing at me.  I have heard that 3 is the hardest transition but I'm confident in us.  I'm more confident in my ability as a mom than ever (at least most of the time) and I feel ready.

So what's the problem????

I look down at this big ole belly that looks like there is an alien that is trying to crawl out and I think .... for real there's a baby in there?  When I took the pregnancy test with Hadley it was like NO WAY (we planned all 3 so you'd think I'd see this coming) but I still couldn't believe it was positive.  I thought it would take a while for it to sink in.   9 months and it's not totally sunk.  Matt actually told me a couple weeks ago that even though 3 was always in the plan and never a "if" for us but a "when" we would try he said it's almost like he felt like we really wouldn't.  He laughs at me because I use the term "legit adult" all the time when I do certain things.  I told him that after we had Will I felt like a legit adult because we had TWO kids and it was like WHOA that's like a family of four.  I don't know why to me it felt so much more real or whatever when we had 2.  I know this baby is coming.  I know she can come basically any day now (realistically probably at least 2 more weeks) but still I'm at the end.  Not only do I not feel at the end I cannot even fathom that in 2 weeks I'll be where I was having my other 2.  Which would be one more weekend baby free from now.  CRAZY!  I mean I can hardly grasp this.

Also it's weird because with the others we knew induction was the plan.  We're on the fence now.  We're gonna have her size measured soon again to see if she is still tipping the scales at 98th percentile and move forward from there.  There are a million factors some good and bad to waiting vs inducing early vs letting us go whenever.  I just don't know what to expect.  Plus #3 is the wildcard.  With your first people expect you to go overdue.  I wouldn't have been induced if it wasn't for my health at 38 weeks it was time to get her out before I got any worse.  With Will it just worked out that way.  With your 2nd people still expect you to get close to your due date if you go into spontaneous labor maybe a tad early.  #3 - wildcard.   You've done this 2 other times - and in my case within the last 4 years - so my body knows what to do.  Lots of statistics support dialating earlier, laboring earlier and faster etc.  Not having ever gone into labor on my own I don't even know what my body does.  So as I near the end I just wonder....when's she coming?  What's gonna happen.  I guess we'll see.

I loved our life with SK and Will just added so much that we couldn't even imagine.  I can't wait for the new journey ahead.  I can't imagine it, it doesn't seem real at all, and I know I'm gonna look back and say do you remember when we just had 2? No? Me either and it becomes all you know...I can't wait and I'm just so excited to meet this sweet baby girl.  A part of me is a sad knowing this is probably the last time I'll be pregnant and I'm enjoying it (no I don't want to be like way overdue - my doctor won't even allow it) but I'm not as I'M DONE get em out anxious as I was before.  I'm ready and excited.  Hard to explain how I feel but just praying for a smooth journey and a healthy baby.  When I'm on the other side I'll let ya know if I am as cool calm and collected as I feel now! haha.

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