Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Did you know you're only allowed to have 2 kids????

Okay so I'd like to educate everyone on a phenomenon that I've been made aware of....

America has a 2 kid limit!!! I never knew!

Here are the caveman rules as follows and expectations of women...

Rule #1 - When you're dating you must get engaged (better have him locked in!) and have a marriage plan in place.

Rule #2 - After you get married you must immediately try and have a baby.  If you are not actively trying to conceive/adopt/acquire a child by your first anniversary something is wrong with you (and please expect constant questions and references to your ticking clock if you choose to wait - that comes standard with the after 1 year package).

Rule #3 - When you have baby 1 you MUST want baby 2 and have a plan in place for this (allowing more spacing than 4 years MAX in between absolutely not allowed for any sane person - on the flip side anything close/less than 2 years in spacing means you're an idiot and you get the "oh you poor thing")

Here's where the rule gets slightly tricky....

Rule #4 - If you have a 2nd and you have both a boy and a girl you are DONE!!!!  (don't be fooled by people asking IF you are done as if this is a "choice" - you are expected to wrap it up and be done).

****The ONLY exception to this rule is if your 1st 2 children are the same sex.  Then you are allowed to try for a child of the opposite sex.  However no matter the sex of #3 YOU MUST STOP!!!  Exceeding the number 3 by choice will be considered completely irresponsible and followed with questions that all begin with "how will you...______(insert inappropriate questioning of your parenting ability to show love/attention/time/pay for college for your children).

I've got an extra popsicle and room in the tub for #3

I obviously have one of each.  Desiring a 3rd, and intentionally planning for her (2 years apart from my others) qualifies me for a straight jacket and a padded room.  This also gets the "oh you poor thing."

Bring on the crazy!  We are so excited to meet our newest little stinker!  

3x within the last 7 days I've been asked if this is my 1st OR my 2nd.  No other options.  When I then respond 3rd I get a HMMMMMM look.  This is ALWAYS followed by "what do you have at home?"

(They're trying to see if I'm a rule breaker or if I am just trying for the 3rd to get a different sex than the first 2 - I do at least appreciate the chance to redeem myself).

When I say I already have a girl and a boy it's a "OH"  (people love to catch a rule breaker and give a disapproving look).  So here's a question - is it rude to tell people thanks for the comments but no one cares what you think complete stranger who doesn't know me at all?  (I think not).  Too bad for me is I'm all talk and normally just give an irritated smile and walk away.  

So this is just a warning for all you out there considering a 3rd.  There is an unwritten rule that you may reproduce TWICE and twice only!.  Only 3x is allowed if you're trying for that boy after 2 girls!  Still okay yet less acceptable is trying for a girl after 2 boys.

Break this rule and be subjected to dirty looks, inappropriate questions and inquiry into your personal life by strangers (the upside is that the majority of these folk are qualified themselves to be featured on People of Wal-mart so that's a plus).

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